The Hot Gnu Jawn!

The Adventures of the James Madison Fan Club!
This episode: What Happened After Breakfast!

"I'm gooooooooin' to a Go-Go!" sang a fist-pumping John Adams with the excitement of a newly-birthed baboon.
"Why do you insist on squawking like a duck-billed platymoose," yelled Abe Lincoln from atop his Monopoly top hat after receiving his Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card.
"Mayhaps it's because we seem to have been lost in this cornfield for three entire minutes," offered Thomas Paine, who desperately wanted to be wanted. "I'm beginning to worry about myself and whether I'm okay out here on my own!"

"YOU'RE NOT!" shouted Cassandra, but nobody really cared about what she had to say.
"'Tis true," agreed the Greek chorus.

"If I take one more step," Thomas Jefferson mumbled, "It'll be the farthest away from Montecello I've ever been!"
"Oh, who gives a hoof?" Abe snarled with gnashed teeth (a difficult thing to accomplish when one has extremely bushy eyebrows).
"Ack!" squealed John Adams. "I just swallowed a ladybug! OH GOD, A LAAAAADYBUUUUG!!!!" He fell to the ground as a recently-shot deer might have, had the recently-shot deer been named "John Adams." He laid motionless with his tongue extended in a rather unattractive fashion. Then he clutched at his throat with his hairy Federalist mitts. "Bleech, bleech," he added as an afterthought.
Abe promptly kicked him with his boot. Hard.
"Abe!" James Madison exclaimed, leaning down and clinging to his Spatula of Justice for support. "Why, I do believe you have something stuck to your boot!"
"Bat's muh toofs!" yelled a withered old hag-man from the town they had recently pillaged, looted, and plundered in the name of George Washington (may he live on!).
"Well," interjected Ben Franklin, who had just come from the loo and felt it was his inalienable right to share the punchline, "I guess you could say that Abe finally stuck his foot in his mouth...though, well, not HIS mouth, but A mouth, anyway!" Pause. "MWAH!"
"Yeah, that wasn't funny, Ben," Thomas Jefferson snarked. Then he quickly hit Mr. Franklin over the noggin with a rolled up newspaper. Oddly, in that exact same newspaper, the front page read, "Thank Gourd this painful bit is over!"

Life was good!
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50% of Americans secretly wish they could own a camel.